What A Nancy Boy

"Wenger Unhappy With Physicality"

Arsene Wenger, youze a bitch. Look at that nancy boy mug. I understand the leg-breaking tackle on Eduardo last week was horrific and inexcusable (not for the faint of heart) but physicality is a part of the game and always has been. Wenger is the reason why baseball fans say soccer isn't a contact sport. Which makes about as much sense as casting anyone other than Hugh Grant for the male lead in a romantic comedy (no sense). Wenger is the reason why players feel more and more entitled to fall to the turf at the slightest touch instead of taking the contact and playing on like a man (watch the first minute, just amazing). Wenger is a nancy boy who breeds diving nancy boys. I'm really enjoying the use of nancy boy right now, can you tell?

United Hold Serve In Lyon, Run Riot at St. James'

I'm gonna be honest. I'd rather be writing about the brilliance that is "Making The Band 4" that I'm currently enjoying thoroughly as I write this. It's almost as good as, dare I say, "America's Best Dance Crew"...dare I say. I haven't seen Mario Lopez so excited since Bayside beat Valley. JC Chasez's greatest achievements in life can be ranked as follows:
3. Being a member of N'SYNC
2. Being asked to judge for "America's Best Dance Crew" after Chris Judd and Michael Jackson's brother Tito both declined AND despite his distinct lack of dancing talent
1. Being asked to guest star on Blaque's chart-topper "Bring It All To Me" where he got to pretend to be "so for real", wear tims, baggy jeans and have "thug appeal". His words, not mine. Ok let me get back on point...

Rooney scores the pick of the bunch at Newcastle

United Hold Lyon, Gain Upper Hand
United gave me a bit of scare midweek by almost losing at Lyon in the Champions League. Thankfully Carlos Tevez equalized on a scrappy goal in the dying stages to earn United a valuable away goal and the upper hand in their two-leg affair. Too many appendages in that last sentence. Not much to say about this game except that Karim Benzema is the truth in the booth and is, without a doubt, one of the brightest young talents in all of football. Straight up. The holy trinity of French-North Africans he's about to form with Hatem Ben Arfa and Samir Nasri is going to terrorize teams from World Cup 2010 to infinity and beyond. And the just the thought of this possibilty nearly gives me an aneurysm. But , yknow, like a good aneurysm.

United Run Riot
United followed up an impressive CL away performance with another impressive away performance as they embarassed Newcastle in front of their home crowd 5-1. Rooney and Ronaldo scored twice each and Saha added the 5th. United were never troubled from the outset, just a comprehensive demoralization. Oh yea and Cristiano Ronaldo is the best player in the world, no big deal.

Reigning World Player of the Year, Kaka: 8 goals in 18 appearances.
Leading candidate for WPY, C. Ronaldo : 29 goals in 23 appearances.
(Strong) Advantage: Cristiano Ronaldo

The Italian Job
Fiorentina succumbed away at Roma, 1-0. Don't wanna talk much more about it, it's a touchy subject.

Tottenham celebrate their triumph over Chelsea

And Finally...Fuck You, Chelsea
The Chelski scum were beaten in the Carling Cup final 2-1 thanks to an extra-time winner from new signing Jonathan Woodgate. Suck on that you billionaire bastards.

Manchester Maul Arsenal & Mutu Shines Again

What a very, very good weekend it was. On Saturday Manchester United wiped the proverbial floor with Arsenal in their 5th round FA Cup tie to send them through to the quarterfinals by a 4-0 scoreline. Highlights here. The next day Fiorentina beat Catania 2-1 thanks to a 70th minute winner from the dreamy Adrian Mutu. Yeah, he's dreamy. I'm not gonna front. So let's start with the utter domination of Arsenal at Old Trafford:

What I like most about this consummate ass-beating was the virtual 2nd team that handed out the beating. All the pre-game chatter was about how Arsenal would rest their stars and United had the luxury of a full squad including the return of Wayne Rooney and Patrice Evra from suspension. Rooney and Evra did return to the starting lineup but that lineup also included a 5-man midfield of all second choice players. Regular starters Hargreaves, Scholes, Giggs, and Tevez were sitting as well as most notably Cristiano Ronaldo. Supposedly the game meant more to United. Didn't seem that way with the likes of Hleb, Kolo Toure and Fabregas all starting for Arsenal when they were all expected to sit meanwhile walking disaster Darren Fletcher started in our midfield as Ronaldo and his 27 goals sat on the sideline. The result was another masterstroke from Ferguson as the fresh-legged 5-man midfield and well-rested Rooney oozed energy and flair and blindsided Arsenal with 3 first half goals. Darren Fletcher added the 4th in the 2nd half after yet more domination, his 2nd of the game (shocking, I know). I'm a bit disappointed we didn't score 5.

Welcome Return
Wayne Rooney came back from suspension and showed just what United were missing in last week's loss to City as he could not be contained. His energy was incredible and he was at his precocious best. Unfortunately he was at his petulant worst picking up a completely unnecessary yellow card for time-wasting.

The Replacements
Nani had a hand in all 4 goals, scoring once and assisting twice. Both assists were to Darren Fletcher as the two briefly created a partnership to rival that of Stockton to Malone. His two headed goals aside, Fletcher was, predictably, otherwise generally inept. Anderson also caught the eye with a typically energetic performance, doggedly chasing down and winning almost every ball in his vicinity as well as making the odd intelligent pass. If you take away the dreadlocks, turn his skin color white, and replace his soft-spoken broken English with an Irish bark; you could easily mistake him for a young Roy Keane.

Dirty Gunners
Adebayor was booked for diving in the box to prompt a rousing rendition of the classic chant "Same old Arsenal, always cheating" from the capacity crowd. Eboue was red carded for a heinous aerial assault on Evra. And to top it off captain William Gallas was lucky to escape punishment for a petulant kick at Nani after he made him look silly by running circles around him. You could almost say they were as dirty as Chris Berman's mouth. Almost.

Man of the Match: Michael Carrick
Made a case for a starting spot with his 2nd successive impressive performance after his goal last week vs Man City. Quietly dominated the midfield from start to finish with impressively subtle ball control and a brilliant array of passing talents on display. Also created the play of the game as he delivered a pinpoint lofted pass from 40 yards away to the foot of Nani which he tucked away for the 3rd goal.

Next Game
Man United travel to France midweek for the first leg of their tie with Lyon in the Champions League. Lyon is grossly underrated and they sort of make me nervous but coming off a confidence-boosting performance like this and with the return of Tevez, Giggs, and Ronaldo to the squad I'm cautiously optimistic we'll come home with an important away victory.

The Italian Job
Mutu is the fucking man. Nothing much else to report here. The win puts Fiorentina ahead of AC Milan in 4th place. It was Mutu's 13th goal of the season. No official statistic of his supermodel count this season but it's probably a similar figure.

Bits & Bobs (Happy Valentine's Day!)

It's pretty slow news midweek with the same recycling of stories about Rafa's future at Liverpool and the 39th game proposition so I'll just take this opportunity to tie up some loose ends as I anxiously await Man United's clash vs Arsenal in the FA Cup on Saturday and completely ignore the cultural significance of today. Valentine's Day is for suckas. No, I don't have a valentine but I'm not all cut my wrists about it. This isn't a livejournal. I understand the sentiment of the occasion, in this day and age we lead busy lives and it's easy to take for granted what you've got and it's nice that there is a day set aside for you to show that special someone that you do really care and appreciate them--fine, fine, that's all well and good. But 3 aisles at Duane Reade dedicated to heart-shaped boxes of cheap chocolate is nonsense. And every kiss doesn't begin with Kay and who really cares if he went to Jared or not? I hate society. But, boy do I love football (which is a part of society but let's not get weighed down by technicalities) so I'll move on to that. Just remember what the day is all about people, and don't be a sucka. Ok, rant over.

January Transfer Roundup
-No activity from United except a signing for the future in Manucho. I thought we needed another striker, oh well.

-The biggest transfer was Nicolas Anelka's move from Bolton to Chelski. Le Sulk gets a lot of flack for, well, being a sulk, but he's been successful thus far on his return to England and with a steady supply from the likes of Joe Cole and SWP he should be scoring freely like it's 1999. And then leaving for Real Madrid in the summer...like it's 1999. Chelsea is now his 9th club in 10 years and I predict the mercenary will take that impressive number to double digits. Plus with 85 million pounds being transferred for his services over his career, he clearly just loves people spending money on him. Hmm...daddy issues?

-Fulham's new manager Roy Hodgson tried to separate himself from previous manager Lawrie Sanchez's regime by going out and bringing in 7 new players. 4 of whom were strikers. To add to the 5 they already have. And they're still trying to get a 5th striker. Which would make it a shocking 10 strikers on the payroll. Hey you think Fulham need more strikers instead of, oh I don't know, just one competent defender? Different manager, same stupidity. I'm gonna go out on a very study and secure limb and say Roy will be jobless by season's end.

-It's a Derby Revolution as they've also brought in 7 players during the transfer window including Egyptian non-factor useless Tottenham reject fuckup Hossam Ghaly to help them avoid relegation. They've also also added some much-needed star power to bingo nights at the local YMCA by bringing in geriatrics Robbie Savage, Danny Mills and my favorite old fogie Alan Stubbs. Sooo it's not really a revolution at Derby. And they're still getting relegated.

- A lot of people don't like the move from Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill to buy Tottenham "reject" Wayne Routledge. I love it. Just a few years back Routledge had a sparkling season for Crystal Palace and was unlucky to be mismanaged by Chris Coleman at Fulham and then sent to Tottenham where they already have Aaron Lennon, basically a better version of Routledge. O'Neill has filled the right wing void with one of the fastest players today, who is still young with much to prove, to add to a squad that is already by far the fastest in the league. Aston Villa are officially my 2nd favorite team.

- Juando Ramos showed why he's a 2-time UEFA Cup winner by doing the simple, yet seemingly impossible thing for many inept managers today, in identifying the team weakness--defense--and buying accordingly. I like all three defenders he signed, especially class act Jonathan Woodgate. And he sold the surplus-to-requirements Defoe to balance the books.

-In contrast Boro manager Gareth Southgate showed just why he is the afformentioned inept manager type so prevalent in the game today by ignoring his biggest team weakness--defense--and splashing the cash on prolific but unproven Dutch league striker (sound familiar?) Alfonso Alves for 12 million pounds.

The Italian Job

Fiorentina won the first leg of their UEFA Cup round of 32 matchup against Rosenborg away in Norway. Male model/rich and famous footballer/Florentine demigod Adrian Mutu (how good is his life? Answer: this good) scored the only goal. Take that, anti-Romanian immigrant laws. If they hold serve at home they'll most likely play Everton in the round of 16. God I wish I was back there...


Exciting Blogspot Update of the Day
"Transliteration is now available in Kannada, Malayalam, Tamil, and Telugu as well as Hindi" - Score one for my native peoples whoo!

Headline of the Day
On Didier Drogba confiding in fellow Ivory Coast international Yaya Toure about his future:

"Drogba Shares Secrets With Yaya Brotherhood" - Football365.com

Nickname of the Day
"King Nkong" - Giant-and-intimidating-but-really-just-misunderstood-gorilla of a midfielder, Cameroon international Alain Nkong.

And Finally
We make that paper.

All for now. Now excuse me while I go get loose tonight.

A Day Of Remembrance...And A Derby As Well...

Today Manchester--both red and blue sides--came together for a moving and fitting tribute to those that perished in the Munich air disaster 50 years ago last Wednesday. 23 people died including 8 of the famed "Busby Babes" who won back-to-back league titles and were actually flying back from a Champions League semi-final when the crash occurred. Some ignorant City fans, including the pieces of shit who set off what sounded like fireworks outside the stadium during the minute's silence, forget that they lost one of their own in legendary keeper Frank Swift who was one of the 8 journalists also killed in the crash. It wasn't just a United tragedy, it wasn't just a Manchester tragedy or a football tragedy either; it was a tragedy.

"Forever remembered" was the motto of the occasion and the words rang true as the emotion was palpable even through the television screen during the solemn pre-match ceremonies and minute of silence. Sir Alex even gave Sven a seemingly genuine half-embrace after they both laid their respective club wreaths in the center circle. Ferguson said of the occasion: "I have never been more proud to be a part of Manchester United."

Now let's get to the actual daaarby. Rooney was suspended for the game after picking up his 5th yellow card of the season for diving in his last game. Incidentally, United are unbeaten with Rooney playing. Hmm...well the predictable happened without Rooney and an injured Saha (Saha? Injured? Get outta town) leaving the attacking burden on Tevez and making it easier for City to focus their defensive attention on the boy Ronaldo. Maybe we didn't have to loan out Angolan starlet Manucho to Greece, just a thought. City scored through the handiwork of the irrepressible Martin Petrov who is, dare I say, faster than Ronaldo. Vassell almost fluffed his chance like he usually does but scored on the rebound. City made it two before the half with new signing Benjani flicking on a Petrov cross just inside the far post. United proceeded to spend the majority of the 2nd half firmly entrenched in City's half of the pitch with little success and finally scored a consolatory goal in stoppage time through a strike from Michael Carrick trying to prove that he hasn't faded into oblivion since his gem of a game vs Roma last season.
Disappointing, obviously. Especially considering the way Arsenal have handled the same City side with ease this season. Still I'm not very concerned because when it comes down to it we have the stronger side: best central defensive partnership in the league, best midfield depth between Hargreaves, Carrick, the ever-improving Anderson, and now Scholes back, and the best player in the world playing absolutely out of his skin.

At least that's what I keep telling myself as I try to ignore the fact that Adebayor is fast becoming one of the most consistently deadly strikers in the league, Flamini is making everyone forget about Viera, and Alexander Hleb is proving that he's actually not a bad footballer (very good, in fact). Plus I keep hoping that Ronaldo will, for once, have a good game vs Arsenal/Chelsea/Liverpool. But that's not happening, nope. This is depressing. SO HOW BOUT THEM GIANTS? Wow never thought I'd see the day where the Giants make me feel better about a poor United performance. I'm feeling disoriented, where's my inhaler..

SUPERBOWL RUNNING DIARY

"David Tyree, that's all you gotta say" - Eli Manning, Superbowl MVP

Alright I'll be honest I'm a futbol man first before football but I like a little pigskin from time to time. Especially if that time is Super Bowl time. And my Giants are playing. Granted I don't own a single piece of Giants merchandise or apparel (except for my brother's old hoodie from the Dave Meggett days that I can't even find), I haven't watched a full game all season except the NFC Championship, and the only Giants game I've ever gone to was against the Vikings because my buddy Sam over at Vikings Vitals took me to it. Sam will also have a running diary for this momentous occasion. Anyway point is, I am, in fact, a Giants fan and I have a blog thus it is my civil duty to keep this running diary. Plus this is partly my marketing homework to report on the commercials. Moving forward...

Coin Toss: Patriots come out with a full entourage of 6 for the coin toss while the Giants come out with 4 including the wiley veteran punter Jeff Feagles. Advantage: Giants

Post-Coin Toss: Feagles makes the call, tails. Of course it's tails. Feagles never fails whether coin toss or coffin corner punt.

First series:
Two hand-offs to Jacobs to start, predictable. 3 and 6 and Eli converts to Plaxico for the first down. Mmmmm Plaxico purr for me baby purrr.

Random thought: Madison Hedgecock my have one of the more unfortunate names in the National Football League, and he's a fullback to boot.

The other Steve Smith gets his first catch for another first down.

Ahmad Bradshaw is confused and thinks he's Brandon Jacobs as he plows for a first down and carries Ty Warren for an extra couple yards.

"Tom Petty and the Heartbeakers for the halftime show?! Get out of town. I am just giddy with excitement. I am also outside of the coveted 18-34 age bracket, oh..." - Oldest man alive

Joe Buck makes himself useful and points out that Eli is 3-3 on 3rd down conversions as he slides out of the pockets and slings another first down to the other Steve Smith.

Update: Randall Gay comes out the worse for wear of the collision with Steve Smith and his return is questionable. Even Steve Smith getting in on the Jacobs mentality.

Brandon Jacobs is confused and thinks he's Ahmad Bradshaw as he tries to run outside. Role reversal didn't work out as well this time.

Manning can't convert the 3 and 10 and LT (Lawrence Tynes for you lames) converts the FG. Giants strike first, 3-0. Best part of the drive was that it lasted 10 minutes. More drives like that will take their toll on the aging linebacker core of the Patriots and keep Brady's juggernaut out of rhythm.

Patriots first series:
Fake reverse HB screen goes incomplete, otherwise...whew that was close. Maroney plows forward for 8 on the next play. Maroney again for 5 yards and a first down. "The blue dude! I don't like that guy..."

Patriots playing small ball with a short pass to Stallworth and a little dinker to Welker for another first down. Kevin Faulk goes for 10 yards on little dump pass for another first down. Just lulling us into a sleep before BAM Randy Moss hits us upside the head.

Antonio Pierce forgot to turn around and look at the ball and gets called for an obvious pass interference on Ben Watson. Nice.

What? Doritos? Message from my heart? iTunes? What? WHAT?

Touchdown Maroney after switching sides to the other side of the field to start the 2nd quarter. Not gonna lie, mildly disorienting. Patriots up 7-3.

Go Daddy commercial, just shameless. We get it Danica, you're sorta hot. You're not just one of the guys, you're not butch blah blah. Well on the plus side that'll definitely get you the respect you're looking for in the male-dominated racing culture. Oh wait...

Pam Anderson looking ROUGH in the crowd. Gisele looking...well I'm not gonna depress you all by reporting on this anymore.

Giant's second possession:
Amani TOOOOOOOMER with the big grab for 40 something yards, making dragging your feet inbounds look wayyy too easy once again. Also getting away with the obvious facemask, he's been around long enough he's allowed to do that.

"Eli is like really good now, huh?" - Sam, Vikings fan.

Fuck, spoke too soon. I should have known better to not put that quote up there. First interception thrown by Eli since Week 17. Ellis Hobbs both times.

"We may not be the best announcers out there..." - Joe Buck. Truer words have never been spoken.

Eli gets sacked for the first time tonight. Ahmad Bradshaw fumbles on the next play and the Patriots have recove--no wait the Giants somehow retained possession. Bradshaw made up for it and wrestled the ball back from Woods in the scrum. And now for the star of the show, Jeff Feagles...

Careerbuilder.com comes up with a real winner. Follow your heart. Powerful message, powerfully presented. A bit too jarring and graphic at first with the heart popping out of her body, but it works. Big fan of the guys (and girls, maybe) behind the Careerbuilder marketing campaign. Just a fan of the job search companies in general actually, Monster.com was the big winner last year with their "When I Grow Up" commercial...ok I'll stop with the marketing talk.

Hmm Life Water...50 Cent vs Naomi Campbell look-alike...Advantage: Vitamin Water.

Brady gets sacked two plays in a row. Patriots forced to punt. Justin Tuck, ladies and gentlemen, Justin Tuck.

Bud Light losing maaaajor points with Carlos Mencia. Where's the proper market research that shows that EVERYBODY HATES CARLOS MENCIA.

Chicken wings just got delivered. Be back in 15.

Joe Buck : They (the Giants) couldn't have hoped for a better first half. HUHH? No Joe I think they could've. You clown.

Randy was in-bounds--No wait who cares brady fumbles and osi recovers..

HALFTIME: 7-3 Patriots at the half. First half analysis..eh y'know what fuck it we're still in it and we're in it to win it. Let's sit back and enjoy some Tom Petty now, eh?

Terry Bradshaw first half recap: "Hubbabubba New England first down pass interference touchdown lamabama lama lama sgthdgthdrfyxbtustrfhdj...heckuva a football game."

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers have about as much stage energy as Michael Strahan has teeth. But then again they can play "Free Falling" over the loudspeaker and get away with not actually being on stage and playing it. Guitarist who's name I don't know is currently rocking out with full star power on expert level, I'd say 97% of notes played.

Second Half:
Maroney starts the second half like he started the first with some purposeful running. Let's hope his impact fades as it did the first half.

Antonio Pierce with a nice open field tackle of Kevin Faulk to prevent the first down and force the punt.

Hahaha Shaquille O'neal as a horse jockey hahaha...oh wait what was that commercial for? Idiots. Bridgestone has the typical sophomore slump of a second commercial.

Kevin Faulk is killing us. He's a slippery character. I can almost hear Chris Berman's analysis later tonight..."whoop! whoop!"

I'm blogging shoulder to shoulder with Sam of Vikings Vitals and I have to say he's blogging me right out of the park but hey I'm actually emotionally involved in this thing.

Patriots go for it on 4th and 13 and predictably don't convert. Puzzling play call. Keep it up, Belichick. Kevin Faulk comes up lame on the play, too. Turning point? We'll see...

Eli is gun-slinging like it's 1849.

Jeff Feagles is one of my favorite players--nay, favorite people--in the whole wide world. Another great coffin corner punt. I'd like to make him the godfather of one or two of my children. He's so reliable.

WOWW E-TRADE BABY COMMERCIAL, IT'S FANNNN-TASTIC (copyright NBA)

The Giants pass rush is a beauty to behold. Kavika Mitchell, best free-agent pick up since Marques Colston...hey whatever happened to that guy...

Maroney is back with another strong run, don't know why they aren't going to him more. By the way, Pam Oliver is looking great tonight whether on the sideline in that striking leopard-print top or even in her small headshot shown in corner of the screen.

Still 7-3 at the end of the 3rd quarter. Hmm that 54 point under is looking pretty good now..Hey remember when Plaxico guaranteed keeping the Patriots under 17 points...

I HATE OLD COMMERCIALS SHOWN DURING THE SUPER BOWL, even if it's a pretty good one from American Airlines.

Silly Hanson, you can't punt like the legendary Jeff Feagles. Can you say X-Factor?

Sorry any commercial that features Madonna's "Ray of Light" just isn't ever ever ever EVER going to be good NO MATTER WHAT. Unless there's a talking baby involved. Then maybe you've got a winner on your hands. I'm a sucker for those talking babies. Remember that movie "Look Who's Talking"? How can you not? Dare I say John Travolta's best work. Definitely Kirstie Alley's best work, and that's not at all daring to say. And yet I digress...

Kevin Boss--not to be confused with Boss Bailey, easily confused with some of the best tight ends in NFL history--with the big catch and run only to be tripped up by steroids--I mean, Rodney Harrison.

DAVID TYREE TOUCHHHDOWNNNN WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I refer you to Sam's Vikings Vitals for a more coherent analysis. Peyton Manning is pumped.

Coca-Cola commercial conversation:
"How much did Segway pay to get into that commercial?"
"A lot, but they only have about 5 bucks"

"Don't Mess With The Zohan" looks pretty decent but they couldn't have picked a better name than Zohan? Honestly?

Generally some nice open field tackling from the Giants. That's all I've got to say for now. Big fan of the Brady-getting-thrown-about-like-a-rag-doll-with-curly-red-pigtails montage.

WHOOO E-TRADE BABY IS BACK. And immune to the sophomore slump commercial that previously affected Bridgestone. Not gonna lie, that baby almost got me as excited as I was when David Tyree scored that touchdown. Almost. And great addition with the clown.

Hey it's 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter and the Giants are winning 10-7 with the ball in hand...ok I'm gonna focus on the commercials I can't deal with what may unfold next...

"Hey Will Ferrell likes Bud Light, and he's really funny. Maybe I'll buy Bud Light now instead of Coors Light, no funny comedians drink Coors Light..." Well played, Bud Light. Well played.

John Johnson, Giants trainer, is shown being senile on the sidline. What a legend, they don't name em' like they used to. God, he is old.

Sam just used matriculating in his blog, I'm just not on his level. Oh wait but now he's looking it up on dictionary.com and slowly realizing that it is not the right word choice. Still I haven't seen that level of effort since the Lakers played the T-Wolves where Ronny Turiaf AND Mark Madsen were on the court at the SAME TIME. Incredible.

Patriots are driving and they are now in the red zone. I don't want to talk about it. Give me commercials. I want to see the E-Trade baby.

Fred Robbins is injured and being helped off the field. In unrelated news Justin Tuck closeup without his helmet on is a scary sight and Antonio Pierce has a very shiny bald head. You learn a lot of things when there's a break in play and players take off their helmets.

Oh goodness, 3rd and goal...I'm writing this as it unfolds...oh god..ohgodohgodohgod...when you write it like that it looks like dohgod, that doesn't really make sense now does it...oh god here's the snap...touchdown Randy Moss, I just felt my heart actually sink an inch or two, Corey Webster fell down and Moss was wide open...hard done by I think, we deserved better than that...

NO MATTER HERE COMES CHA BOY ELI WITH THE 2-MINUTE DRILL, MANNING STYLE

I direct you to Sam's blog once again because I can't possibly blog coherently, let alone wittingly, at this time.

Advertising for Victoria's Secret is just not fair. It's like Lebron James playing against any player in the NBA, too easy. In this analogy Adriana Lima is Lebron James. I know the mental picture doesn't really match up but if you think that Lebron James scores at will just as Adriana Lima captures the hearts and penises of men at will..I think it works.

SHDifSHFilshdf ASHHHHHH OMG ELIIIIIII YOU SWEET SWEEET MANNN YOU LEGEND YOURE A FUCKING LEGEND

"I want them to win" - Sam, Vikings fan.

And David Tyree, you're a legend, too. Absurd catch, props to you. "Dap", if you will.

PLAXICOOOOOOOO BURRRRREESSSSSSS TOUUUCHHDOWNNN YOU LEGEND YOU FUCKING LEGENDDDDDDDDD. 17-14 Giants. Oh god my fragile heart can't take this.

Peyton Manninng IS PUMPED.

I wish there was a video feed to go with this running diary so you all could see the sheer ecstasy coursing through my mind, body and soul at the moment of Plaxico making that catch.

HOLLLDD ONNN.

JAY ALFORRDDD. ROOKIE. SIT DOWN THOMAS BRADY, SIT DOWN. I KNOW YOUR FULL NAME ISN'T THOMAS AND I DON'T CARE. YOU CAN KEEP GISELE I'LL TAKE THE 'SHIP. No but seriously, I prefer Adriana.

Can't touch the 72' Dolphins, sorry.

Eli Manning, you're a legend. Plaxico Burress, you're a legend. David Tyree, so are you. Michael Strahan, you did it baby. Jeff Feagles, you were a legend before but now you're a champion, too. And the future godfather of my children.

HANDS RAISED TO THE SKY. IT'S OVER. THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS ARE THE 2008 SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS. I'm gonna take a shot of Taverna Authentic Russian Vodka. Good night.