Summer Transfer & Non-Transfer News

With the start of the new season nearly upon us I've decided this is a good time to recap the transfer news of summer that is soon winding to a close.

Hmm let's start with the good news first because there's not much of it so we'll get it out of the way quickly:

Well we held on to Ronaldo which, as much as he still is a little cunt, is a good thing because he is as close to irreplaceable as you'll get in football. Still, nothing he does this season, no matter how heroic or jaw-droppingly incredible, will illicit any more than a gentle golf clap out of me. Until he fucks off to Madrid at the end of the season. Then I'll give him a standing ovation. Ok what else...oh right we didn't sell Frazier Campbell like we usually do with any young promising talent that tries to make it into the first team. That was a pleasant surprise. I hope he gets a chance to prove himself this season because he's definitely quality.

Ok, seriously, how am I supposed to cheer for this?

Yup. That's it. No more good news to report for the summer of wheelings and non-dealings. Now the bad news in quick bullet points because there's so much:

- Sold Gerard Pique, soon-to-be one of the top 10 defenders in the world. Haven't bought any replacements so no defensive cover to speak of. Wonderful.
- Didn't sell Mikael Silvestre as expected so technically he is our defensive cover. Even better.
- Didn't buy a long-term right-back replacement for the aging Gary Neville. Apparently Sir Alex expects Wes Brown to make another deal with the devil and have another surprisingly competent season.
- According to the latest reports today, we bought Dimi Berbatov to finally address our need for another striker. 'But why is this bad news?' I hear you inquire. Well, little ones, gather round close and let me tell you a little tale I like to call: The Extortion of Manchester United...

Once upon a time (about a month ago) Manchester United bid a reasonable 20 million pounds for the services of Dimi Berbatov. Dimi's employers, Tottenham, rejected the bid and asked for a ludicrous 38 million pounds instead. United laughed heartily at such a suggestion and began looking elsewhere. After a month or so they could not find another striker to buy and desperately bid a slightly less ludicrous but still ridiculous 28 million for Dimi. Tottenham gleefully accepted. United got fucked over. Now to put this in perspective:

- Liverpool paid 3 million less for Fernando Torres who is 4 years younger than 27 year old Berbatov and about 5 times better, give or take.
- Liverpool also paid 20 million for Berbatov's teammate, Robbie Keane, of similar age and talent.
- United paid the same amount for Rio Ferdinand but he's been the rock of our defense for the past 5 years so I'd say it's money well spent.
- United paid the same amount for WAYNE ROONEY. 20 years old at the time and ABOUT 10 TIMES BETTER THAN BERBATOV, give or take.

I'm not amused.

Buhshit, Buhshit, Buhshit

Harry Kewell revealed Galatasaray were the pick of several clubs interested in him after signing a two-year deal with the Turkish champions.

The Australian had been linked with Portsmouth, Celtic and Roma, but Kewell admitted Galatasaray quickly won him over.

Oh that's right, Galatasaray is clearly a better option than staying in the best league in the world with Portsmouth or going to one of the most successful clubs in European history in Celtic and let's not even mention that little club from that little town called Rome in that boot-shaped country.

Now don't get me wrong, Galatasaray are no slouches and they've had their fair share of success both in Turkey and in Europe. And Turkey is a great place from what I hear what with their grape leaves and passionate bordering on psychotic fan support (if you have the time, fascinating piece). But don't anyone for one second try and convince me that the Turkish league is on par with the English or Italian leagues or a club of so grand a stature as Celtic. It's just not.

And lest we forget Mr. Kewell played for Leeds for 9 years, during that time playing against Galatasaray in a match that was overshadowed by the tragic stabbing to death of two Leeds fans by Galatasaray hooligans. Leeds fans still haven't forgotten about the tragedy to this day but I guess for Harry a big pile of stinking cash can make you forget just about anything.

Here's Harry in his favored position (interpret that how you wish)

Enough of the bullshit, the Turks were the only team that wanted to take a chance on your glass legs and take on your ludicrous salary demands because the silver lining of the depressing realization that you're a has-been at 29 is that some people with money to burn and seats to fill actually remember you used to be a decent player (despite your worst efforts of the past 5 seasons) and are willing to roll the dice on the slight chance that you might rediscover that form. Suckers. I can't even fathom how many kebabs you're going to stuff your face with on an $80,000/week salary.

Viva Espana! And Other Bits And Bobs

It's been too long, dear friends. I guess I'll start with tipping my hat to the Spaniards, newly-crowned champions of Europe. When you think about the Italians in 2006 and the luck they had in beating Australia early on and a French team that outplayed them in the final or the way Greece grinded out boring 1-0 win after 1-0 win on the way to glory in 2004, it was nice to see this Spanish team dominate from start to finish and overpower each of their opponents through flowing, attacking, beautiful football. Sheer class. Fully deserved. This could very well be the start of a dynasty.

On a sidenote two players who impressed me immensely were Spanish right-back Sergio Ramos and Dutch midfielder Wesley Sneijder. Incidentally they both play for a certain Real Madrid who has been making bedroom eyes at that little cunt of ours, Cristiano Ronaldo. Speaking of that prick, let me take this opportunity to get this off my chest:

This is from the heart: Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro, you're a cunt. You're a selfish, arrogant, diving, greedy, self-absorbed, shameless, conniving, treacherous, childish, petulant, ungrateful, hooker-hiring, mullet-having, man-purse-carrying, cunt. Now fuck off.

Back to my point, since the fucking cunt (hereafter TFC) has expressed his desire to leave for Real Madrid I say let TFC fuck off to Spain as long as United get Sergio Ramos and Sneijder in return. At 22, Sergio Ramos is the ideal long-term replacement for an aging Gary Neville and the left-footed Sneijder can fit in on either wing as well as the heart of the midfield. Nani should be much improved in his 2nd season and if we sign a goalscoring striker like Berbatov or Klaas Jan Huntelaar to fill the 40 goal void I truly don't think we'll miss him. I don't even want any additional cash compensation . I just never want to see TFC in a United jersey ever again.

So let's recap: Hats off to Spain, worthy victors. Cristiano Ronaldo, fuck off. Hi, Sergio Ramos and Wesley Sneijder, cmover?

Megalomaniac

Not just an Incubus song, kids. By definition, one who suffers from delusions of grandeur.

Exhibit A: Robinho

The Brazilian nino has just "revealed" that United have a proposal:

"There are proposals, yes. One is from Manchester United which would be in exchange for Cristiano Ronaldo and the other is from Chelsea."

Of course by revealed he really means fabricated out of thin air to make it seem like he's even remotely come close to fulfilling the potential he had 5 years ago which saw him dubbed "the next Pele" by none other than Pele himself. Truth is he hasn't. In 3 seasons with Real Madrid he's chalked up a paltry 35 goals in 131 appearances. To put that into perspective, Ronaldo scored 42 goals this season alone in just 48 games. And he's better looking. And he has hooker orgies. Sorry nino, can't win this one.

Aaron Ramsey: One For The Future

Haven't seen much of this kid play but by the way he's been setting the rumor mills abuzz he can't be half-bad. The Cardiff City midfielder is only a wee 17 year old but he's starting for his club in the FA Cup final on Saturday. Dizzying heights for just his first season of consistent playing time. In his few appearances he's apparently already attracted the admiring eyes of United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool with Sir Alex Ferguson even putting in an official inquiry recently as to his availability. Everton offered 1 million pounds earlier in the season but Cardiff scoffed at such an inadequate estimate of their starlet.

The latest rumor is that Cardiff have already agreed to sell young Ramsey to Manchester United for a fee of around 5 million pounds and the deal will be announced after the final on Saturday. Ferguson reportedly sees him as a long-term successor to Paul Scholes. He already seems to have the right attitude to replace Scholesy. About the recent rumors Ramsey said, "The media stories don’t affect me whatsoever. Obviously I hear about it, I just don’t take any notice." He also said in a recent interview that he was more nervous about his final exams this time last year than he is about the upcoming final. He should fit right in at Old Trafford. Ramsey cites fellow Welshman Ryan Giggs as his all-time hero (surefire sign he's coming to United) so if that's any indication of things to come then 5 million should turn out to be a shrewd investment for another 20 years of Welsh wizardry.

**Quick aside, while looking for an image to post I google-imaged him and came across Aaron Ramsey's profile on some Welsh social networking site. It's good for a laugh. Let's just say he isn't the sharpest spike in the cleat. My personal favorite:

Scared Of: "nuthin im hard as nais.hmm wel sum say i am but i wouldnt like to cum that close to tarantulars if thats how u spell it."

I'll update this space after I actually see him play on Saturday. Then I'll mitigate or exaggerate my comments above as needed.

**UPDATE: Came on as a substitute during the FA Cup final and played the final half-hour. No need to mitigate or exaggerate, he's exactly what I thought he was, a 17 year old with a lot to learn but absolutely oozing with talent.

Bits & Bobs (Happy Valentine's Day!)

It's pretty slow news midweek with the same recycling of stories about Rafa's future at Liverpool and the 39th game proposition so I'll just take this opportunity to tie up some loose ends as I anxiously await Man United's clash vs Arsenal in the FA Cup on Saturday and completely ignore the cultural significance of today. Valentine's Day is for suckas. No, I don't have a valentine but I'm not all cut my wrists about it. This isn't a livejournal. I understand the sentiment of the occasion, in this day and age we lead busy lives and it's easy to take for granted what you've got and it's nice that there is a day set aside for you to show that special someone that you do really care and appreciate them--fine, fine, that's all well and good. But 3 aisles at Duane Reade dedicated to heart-shaped boxes of cheap chocolate is nonsense. And every kiss doesn't begin with Kay and who really cares if he went to Jared or not? I hate society. But, boy do I love football (which is a part of society but let's not get weighed down by technicalities) so I'll move on to that. Just remember what the day is all about people, and don't be a sucka. Ok, rant over.

January Transfer Roundup
-No activity from United except a signing for the future in Manucho. I thought we needed another striker, oh well.

-The biggest transfer was Nicolas Anelka's move from Bolton to Chelski. Le Sulk gets a lot of flack for, well, being a sulk, but he's been successful thus far on his return to England and with a steady supply from the likes of Joe Cole and SWP he should be scoring freely like it's 1999. And then leaving for Real Madrid in the summer...like it's 1999. Chelsea is now his 9th club in 10 years and I predict the mercenary will take that impressive number to double digits. Plus with 85 million pounds being transferred for his services over his career, he clearly just loves people spending money on him. Hmm...daddy issues?

-Fulham's new manager Roy Hodgson tried to separate himself from previous manager Lawrie Sanchez's regime by going out and bringing in 7 new players. 4 of whom were strikers. To add to the 5 they already have. And they're still trying to get a 5th striker. Which would make it a shocking 10 strikers on the payroll. Hey you think Fulham need more strikers instead of, oh I don't know, just one competent defender? Different manager, same stupidity. I'm gonna go out on a very study and secure limb and say Roy will be jobless by season's end.

-It's a Derby Revolution as they've also brought in 7 players during the transfer window including Egyptian non-factor useless Tottenham reject fuckup Hossam Ghaly to help them avoid relegation. They've also also added some much-needed star power to bingo nights at the local YMCA by bringing in geriatrics Robbie Savage, Danny Mills and my favorite old fogie Alan Stubbs. Sooo it's not really a revolution at Derby. And they're still getting relegated.

- A lot of people don't like the move from Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill to buy Tottenham "reject" Wayne Routledge. I love it. Just a few years back Routledge had a sparkling season for Crystal Palace and was unlucky to be mismanaged by Chris Coleman at Fulham and then sent to Tottenham where they already have Aaron Lennon, basically a better version of Routledge. O'Neill has filled the right wing void with one of the fastest players today, who is still young with much to prove, to add to a squad that is already by far the fastest in the league. Aston Villa are officially my 2nd favorite team.

- Juando Ramos showed why he's a 2-time UEFA Cup winner by doing the simple, yet seemingly impossible thing for many inept managers today, in identifying the team weakness--defense--and buying accordingly. I like all three defenders he signed, especially class act Jonathan Woodgate. And he sold the surplus-to-requirements Defoe to balance the books.

-In contrast Boro manager Gareth Southgate showed just why he is the afformentioned inept manager type so prevalent in the game today by ignoring his biggest team weakness--defense--and splashing the cash on prolific but unproven Dutch league striker (sound familiar?) Alfonso Alves for 12 million pounds.

The Italian Job

Fiorentina won the first leg of their UEFA Cup round of 32 matchup against Rosenborg away in Norway. Male model/rich and famous footballer/Florentine demigod Adrian Mutu (how good is his life? Answer: this good) scored the only goal. Take that, anti-Romanian immigrant laws. If they hold serve at home they'll most likely play Everton in the round of 16. God I wish I was back there...


Exciting Blogspot Update of the Day
"Transliteration is now available in Kannada, Malayalam, Tamil, and Telugu as well as Hindi" - Score one for my native peoples whoo!

Headline of the Day
On Didier Drogba confiding in fellow Ivory Coast international Yaya Toure about his future:

"Drogba Shares Secrets With Yaya Brotherhood" - Football365.com

Nickname of the Day
"King Nkong" - Giant-and-intimidating-but-really-just-misunderstood-gorilla of a midfielder, Cameroon international Alain Nkong.

And Finally
We make that paper.

All for now. Now excuse me while I go get loose tonight.

Rihanna and Cassie Should Learn From Freddy

Now hold on a minute give me a chance, there is in fact a link to football here and not just an excuse to post these ridiculous pictures of Rihanna and Cassie (well...)

Recently, two of the sexiest members of the music industry's U-21 squad (though definitely not two of the most talented) were denied entry to Fabolous' album release party at a club in NYC because they were obviously under 21. Seems like fame can't always circumvent the law, not always at least.

These two bombshells need to learn from my boy Freddy Adu, who I recently spotted at nightclub Fur when I was down in DC for the weekend. See Freddy got in because it was an 18+ night and y'know what he looked like he was definitely enjoying himself (probably because his handlers were slipping him drinks).

Anyway Freddy was very nice when I went up to him to shake his hand (more like give him a drunken pound-come-hug). In my drunkeness I failed to get the scoop on whether he's leaving the MLS or not but now we all know that he is. I did ask him if he'll be in the squad for South Africa 2010 to which he enthusiastically replied "Yeah! Definitely man!"

And you know what? I think I believe him. Best of luck with Benfica.

On Horseface and Hulk...

If I'm Sheffield United, I'm pissed the fuck off.

Moving on, in a previous post I said that I didn't think Tevez was that good. I didn't really mean that, I was just turned off by the price tag and the messy ownership problems (I still am). He's been playing well in the Copa America and if you play consistently well on the international stage in a big tournament then you probably are legit. And I trust Ferguson/Queiroz's judgment.

All this talk of Tevez being another Rooney and our need for a target man is seriously fucking retarded. We had a target man and his name was Ruud and he was a damn good horse-faced target man. But we sold him. And then we went on to win the league. We sold Ruud because he was sticking out like a sore thumb with his inability to do anything other than finish and poach goals in and around the 6 yard box (I know, I know, he was really good at it but you're missing the point). There was a clear improvement w/o Ruud, more slick and free-flowing football that wasn't just more pleasing to the eye but more of a nightmare to opposing defenses. Tevez is in the same mould as Ronaldo, Rooney, Nani, and Anderson in that he is a more well-rounded attacking player. And 7 goals in 10 games shows he can be a prolific scorer, too. So there.

It's About That Time...

...to actually post something, I haven't done that in a while. It's also about that time to address the recent transfer rumors that have been circling and address them in terms of validity and what I think about it (regardless of how valid it is). Considering the sheer massive volume of transfer rumors bandied about daily to fill the newspapers in lieu of actual match reports at this time of year, I'm just gonna deal with United transfer rumors.



Fab Quag: Ok first of all, this nickname needs to go. It may flow phonetically, but it has to be one of the most effeminate nicknames in all of football. And calling him Fabio isn't much better because then you just get the mental picture of the long-haired I Can't Believe It's Not Butter guy. So do you go with Quagliarella? That's a bit of a mouthful. So I guess it's Quag, but even that I'm not too keen on. Actually I think I got it, just call him Q. Like the gadget guy from James Bond, I've always liked that guy. Ok good so it's settled, now Q can play for United.

Now as for his chances of pulling on United red, I think its a 30% chance. Udinese just gained full ownership of Q in some bizarre blind auction thing that only Italian football would do so there goes the previously high probability that Q was gonna stay at Sampdoria. The reason I say 30% is because rarely do Italian players, especially young ones, come over to play in England. Especially when they have local big guns like Roma (who Q is a known admirer of) and Inter interested to sign them, too. It's also no accident that every member of the World Cup winning Italian side played in Serie A. Q knows this and doesn't want to jeopardize his already successful Azzuri career (he scored twice in his debut recently). Basically the 30% is the allure of playing for the English champs, alongside the likes of Ronaldo, Rooney, Giggs, etc. which can be pretty enticing. Plus there's also this.

And I don't trust anything that comes out of an agent's mouth, by the way, so until Q says it himself I won't believe it.

Eidur for Pique: No, no, no. No. NO. Former Chelsea affiliations aside, Gudjohnsen is 29 years old and wasn't very impressive this season at the Camp Nou (albeit with limited chances). Gerard Pique, on the other hand, had a very nice little season on loan at Zaragoza and is very bright young talent at only 20 years old. He's an intelligent defender and with Rio's lapses in concentration getting more and more frequent and costlier I could see him taking over for him very soon.

Berbatov: Would cost too much and I would feel bad raiding Spurs for their star player for a second year running. With Chelsea getting all these free transfers we're gonna become the new Chelski. Thanks, but no thanks.

Tevez: I really don't think he's that good and the ownership issue is too messy. And he looks like a monster, but not in a good way. So no.

Defoe: Nonsense.

Saviola: Always have been a fan but I think we're looking for someone with more size so I'll pass.

Huntelaar: Next van Nistelrooy. Which is exactly why we shouldn't get him.

Torres and Eto'o: Both would be big money, but both would be worth it in my opinion. United and Liverpool have both been heavily linked to each of them so you have to figure if one goes to Anfield then we can get the other one. Eto'o's (that looks weird) attitude worries me and Torres is younger and got good size and strength for the Prem so I'm partial to El Nino. But I guess I'd settle for Eto'o (kidding, kidding, I'd be ecstatic). Just don't like the idea of competing with Milan for his signature, we're gonna have to shell out the big bucks.

Wishlist:
1. Torres
2. Q
3. Eto'o
4. Don't bother buying

**Update: I'm surprised no one picked up on the real problem with the name Fab Quag before. Now he must be called Q.

Cristiano Gets Some New Playmates

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I spent the weekend in DC for a wedding. I was planning to make a post yesterday until I accidentally played beer pong for 6 hours and passed out by 9 pm. But there's nothing like a United double signing to get the heart racing, and indeed wake the Trawler from it's week-long slumber.

So it's official, Manchester United have signed attacking midfielder Anderson from Porto F.C. and winger Nani from Sporting Lisbon. Anderson, a Brazil Under-17 international, is 19 and Portuguese international Nani is 20; they are both highly rated and were both linked with top sides throughout Europe. I'm a big fan of the youth, Nani (above in mid-goal celebration) is a left-winger and Anderson a creative midfielder so hopefully they can someday develop into worthy successors to Giggs and Scholesy.

I know that we've been heavily linked to Nani recently, but the added bonus of Anderson is a pleasant surprise. Any 19 year old who's earned a starting spot after just one year with the Portuguese champs can't be half-bad. I like the Portuguese-speaking flavor added to the squad, can't hurt in helping to keep Ronaldo happy. I've been trolling Youtube for the past half-hour for videos of these two guys and they look pretty talented but of course the level of competition in the EPL far more challenging than the Portuguese league and Youtube highlight compilations can be notoriously misleading. That there is actually a Kleberson highlight reel out there proves this.

One more thing, I know Nani is the more well-known of the two signings but there is one video of Anderson that caught my eye. I hate when people say so-and-so is the next Zidane or the next Ronaldinho (like this video does), especially at such a tender age, but in this case the similarities are definitely there. Like Ronaldinho, Anderson is a Porto Alegre native and started his career at Gremio. He's also got the requisite abundance of speed and creativity, able to shoot with both feet, and gleefully skipping past defenders seems to be a favored pastime of his. Plus he's got wacky hair like Ronaldinho and there's an absurd move he does at the end of the video that is just like one Ronaldinho pulled off at Gremio. I know, I know, it's pretty foolish to try and predict the next Best Player In The World, but I'm just saying...

Owen Hargreaves: The Anti-Transfer Saga

The media reports in Germany were confirmed by club president Franz Beckenbauer when he said four simple words: Owen Hargreaves will go. It seems as if Manchester United and Bayern Munich have finally agreed upon a price and as a United fan I’m thrilled about adding a true ball-winner in Hargreaves to our midfield ranks, but this isn’t exactly a surprise development. Everyone knew he would move to Old Trafford this summer it was just a matter of when, and in that way this is a surprise. With the ridiculous transfer saga of Cashley Cole and William Gallas between Arsenal and Chelsea that dragged on all last summer still fresh in all of our minds, I’m sure everyone dreaded (and expected) a similar drawn-out tug of war over Hargreaves.

This has, however, been averted thanks to a certain degree of professionalism and respect exhibited by both parties that is sadly lacking in the front offices of Chelsea, in particular the sniveling chief executive, Peter Kenyon. Yes, the same Peter Kenyon that sickeningly refers to Chelsea as a “brand” and said today that it would’ve been “unjust” if Chelsea only won the Carling Cup this year. And yes, this is the same Peter Kenyon who on more than one occasion professed to be a life-long United supporter before leaving Old Trafford to join Chelsea once Abramovich’s millions came calling. Not that we miss him in the least.

Sorry I’ve been posting on only United news thus far, very myopic of me and I apologize. I think I’ll do a La Liga post next or even mix it up with a music post, who knows. Cheers.