Deaf Boxer Stalker: A PR Masterstroke

Forgotten pretty boy

Head over to the ladies of Kickette and invariably there will be mention of one of Los Merengues in an inappropriately lustful manner. Methinks Madrid midfielder (impressive alliteration, I know) Goldilocks Guti (good god, I can't stop) is a little miffed at being overshadowed by his teammates off as well as on the field. It's one thing when you spend years carefully sculpting your midfield maestro pretty boy image only for Real Madrid to go out and buy David Beckham and render you completely useless in the prime of your career. Or the completely incorrect jump in logic that follows such an injustice and makes you believe you missed out on being a part of the Euro 2008-winning Spanish side when in actuality you were really never gonna make the cut, Beckham or no Beckham.

But having to stomach the likes of Iker Casillas and Raul strutting about the locker room with a confidence borne of the adulation of thousands of fawning female fans (it's a gift, really); I imagine the indignity was just unbearable. So naturally he enlisted the PR talents of one Jorge Munoz, deaf boxer stalker extraordinaire, to up his visibility enough to maybe get some well-deserved recognition for his services to club and conditioner companies.

"Munoz was eventually restrained and arrested while one of the security guards required hospital treatment - Munoz's lack of hearing obviously not impairing his ability to land a punch."

Iker Casillas, your move.

*Actual focused and serious post about the state of United affairs coming soon

Asinine Quote Of The Day: Jens Lehmann

Torres beats Lehmann to give Spain the title

FOX Sports: Germany goalkeeper Jens Lehmann has told Fernando Torres he is still not as good as Thierry Henry at his best, but could get there in time.

"I played in the same team as Thierry Henry, who was like a god," said the 38-year-old shot-stopper.

"There is still a difference. Torres could get there, but it takes a while."

That's right, Jens, there is a difference. Torres has actually scored in the final of a major tournament. You remember, don't you? He did it against you, after all. Thierry Henry, on the other hand, has never scored in the final of a major tournament despite playing in the World Cup final in 98', the Euro final in 2000 and the Champions League final in 2004. As for deity status, Torres was a sort of baby Jesus at Atletico Madrid and after 24 goals in his first season he's already achieved cult hero status amongst the Liverpool supporters. So you're right, Torres is not as good as Henry at his best. He's better.

**UPDATE**
I just read over this weeks after I originally posted it and I must admit I was a bit out of line. Torres is not better than Henry at his best because Henry at his best is the best player English football has ever seen. It's still an asinine thing for Lehmann to say because it's unfair to compare a soon-to-be great player to one who's already great. Obviously Torres at 24 is not better than Henry in his prime of 28-29, you ponce. He's just sour grapes about that peach of a goal Torres scored in the final so I had to call him out for it. One thing you can do is compare Torres now to Henry at the same age and when you do that Torres is better so there suck on that, Jens.

Why Do People Insist Jermaine Jenas Is Quality?

HE'S NOT.

He's dreadful, in fact. Sure he's got raw talent but so does Kwame Brown. The difference between Kwame Brown and Andrew Bynum is that Andrew Bynum has actually developed his talent into tangible skill. Andrew Bynum also has a discernible basketball IQ. Jermaine Jenas is talented, sure, but his football IQ is negative. I just finished watching the Tottenham-Liverpool game from last week and though he shows flashes of promise overall he's ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL. SERIOUSLY. HE'S REALLY BAD. HOW IS HE ON THE ENGLAND NATIONAL TEAM?

Where No Posts For Three Weeks Happen

This past weekend: where the start of the NBA Playoffs conveniently coincides with the deadline of an interminable group project and the best weather weekend of 2008 to briefly form THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE. But that dark cloud has since past, moving on...

The 2008 NBA Playoffs:

Where A.I. never left Philadelphia.

Where I've never seen a head coach as happy as Maurice Cheeks to win the first game of the first round of the playoffs.

Where the Orlando Magic are still the league's best kept secret.

Where Lamar Odom finally justifies the Caron Butler trade.

Where Maurice Cheeks, Byron Scott, Doc Rivers, Avery Johnson, and Mike D'Antoni (all former point guards) give hope to Knicks fans the world over with just two words: Mark Jackson (supplemented by three more words: Jeff Van Gundy).

Well that was fun, let me try it some more:

Wes Brown signing a new 4 year deal, where my hairline visibly recedes.

Wes Brown signing a new 4-year deal, where heart trumps head and you really can't imagine the boy wearing anything but United red.

15 goals in 3 games, where any doubt over who is heir to Sir Alex Ferguson's job is surely erased.

15 goals in 3 games, where any doubt over who should fill the left wing problem for England is erased. Hey, he may not be the sharpest tool in the ol' shed, but he sure knows how to polish one.

The movie theater on a Monday night at 10, where confused prepubescent boys go to watch humor way over their heads and brief full frontal male nudity with their parents.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, where the title changes to Hi, Mila Kunis, Be My Wife? in my mind's eye.

12:35 am after writing inspiration from Jason Segel, where opportunity meets execution and writer's bloc finally ends. Enjoy the eye candy/my future wife.

What A Nancy Boy

"Wenger Unhappy With Physicality"

Arsene Wenger, youze a bitch. Look at that nancy boy mug. I understand the leg-breaking tackle on Eduardo last week was horrific and inexcusable (not for the faint of heart) but physicality is a part of the game and always has been. Wenger is the reason why baseball fans say soccer isn't a contact sport. Which makes about as much sense as casting anyone other than Hugh Grant for the male lead in a romantic comedy (no sense). Wenger is the reason why players feel more and more entitled to fall to the turf at the slightest touch instead of taking the contact and playing on like a man (watch the first minute, just amazing). Wenger is a nancy boy who breeds diving nancy boys. I'm really enjoying the use of nancy boy right now, can you tell?

Bits & Bobs (Happy Valentine's Day!)

It's pretty slow news midweek with the same recycling of stories about Rafa's future at Liverpool and the 39th game proposition so I'll just take this opportunity to tie up some loose ends as I anxiously await Man United's clash vs Arsenal in the FA Cup on Saturday and completely ignore the cultural significance of today. Valentine's Day is for suckas. No, I don't have a valentine but I'm not all cut my wrists about it. This isn't a livejournal. I understand the sentiment of the occasion, in this day and age we lead busy lives and it's easy to take for granted what you've got and it's nice that there is a day set aside for you to show that special someone that you do really care and appreciate them--fine, fine, that's all well and good. But 3 aisles at Duane Reade dedicated to heart-shaped boxes of cheap chocolate is nonsense. And every kiss doesn't begin with Kay and who really cares if he went to Jared or not? I hate society. But, boy do I love football (which is a part of society but let's not get weighed down by technicalities) so I'll move on to that. Just remember what the day is all about people, and don't be a sucka. Ok, rant over.

January Transfer Roundup
-No activity from United except a signing for the future in Manucho. I thought we needed another striker, oh well.

-The biggest transfer was Nicolas Anelka's move from Bolton to Chelski. Le Sulk gets a lot of flack for, well, being a sulk, but he's been successful thus far on his return to England and with a steady supply from the likes of Joe Cole and SWP he should be scoring freely like it's 1999. And then leaving for Real Madrid in the summer...like it's 1999. Chelsea is now his 9th club in 10 years and I predict the mercenary will take that impressive number to double digits. Plus with 85 million pounds being transferred for his services over his career, he clearly just loves people spending money on him. Hmm...daddy issues?

-Fulham's new manager Roy Hodgson tried to separate himself from previous manager Lawrie Sanchez's regime by going out and bringing in 7 new players. 4 of whom were strikers. To add to the 5 they already have. And they're still trying to get a 5th striker. Which would make it a shocking 10 strikers on the payroll. Hey you think Fulham need more strikers instead of, oh I don't know, just one competent defender? Different manager, same stupidity. I'm gonna go out on a very study and secure limb and say Roy will be jobless by season's end.

-It's a Derby Revolution as they've also brought in 7 players during the transfer window including Egyptian non-factor useless Tottenham reject fuckup Hossam Ghaly to help them avoid relegation. They've also also added some much-needed star power to bingo nights at the local YMCA by bringing in geriatrics Robbie Savage, Danny Mills and my favorite old fogie Alan Stubbs. Sooo it's not really a revolution at Derby. And they're still getting relegated.

- A lot of people don't like the move from Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill to buy Tottenham "reject" Wayne Routledge. I love it. Just a few years back Routledge had a sparkling season for Crystal Palace and was unlucky to be mismanaged by Chris Coleman at Fulham and then sent to Tottenham where they already have Aaron Lennon, basically a better version of Routledge. O'Neill has filled the right wing void with one of the fastest players today, who is still young with much to prove, to add to a squad that is already by far the fastest in the league. Aston Villa are officially my 2nd favorite team.

- Juando Ramos showed why he's a 2-time UEFA Cup winner by doing the simple, yet seemingly impossible thing for many inept managers today, in identifying the team weakness--defense--and buying accordingly. I like all three defenders he signed, especially class act Jonathan Woodgate. And he sold the surplus-to-requirements Defoe to balance the books.

-In contrast Boro manager Gareth Southgate showed just why he is the afformentioned inept manager type so prevalent in the game today by ignoring his biggest team weakness--defense--and splashing the cash on prolific but unproven Dutch league striker (sound familiar?) Alfonso Alves for 12 million pounds.

The Italian Job

Fiorentina won the first leg of their UEFA Cup round of 32 matchup against Rosenborg away in Norway. Male model/rich and famous footballer/Florentine demigod Adrian Mutu (how good is his life? Answer: this good) scored the only goal. Take that, anti-Romanian immigrant laws. If they hold serve at home they'll most likely play Everton in the round of 16. God I wish I was back there...


Exciting Blogspot Update of the Day
"Transliteration is now available in Kannada, Malayalam, Tamil, and Telugu as well as Hindi" - Score one for my native peoples whoo!

Headline of the Day
On Didier Drogba confiding in fellow Ivory Coast international Yaya Toure about his future:

"Drogba Shares Secrets With Yaya Brotherhood" - Football365.com

Nickname of the Day
"King Nkong" - Giant-and-intimidating-but-really-just-misunderstood-gorilla of a midfielder, Cameroon international Alain Nkong.

And Finally
We make that paper.

All for now. Now excuse me while I go get loose tonight.

Can't Find The Words

For a title, that is. An appropriate title to the first post I've done in a little over 5 months. What can I say when you study abroad you don't have time for a lot of things--class (academic), sobriety, class (behavior), so on and so forth but I digress--not least of which you don't have time to keep up a blog, especially living in a country as technologically backwards as Italy where the internet goes out about as often as...I don't know it's been a while, it's gonna take me a few posts to get back to my heyday of witty metaphors. Point is, the internet went out a lot. But enough excuse-making; let's get back in the swing of things.

In recent news I've become a Fiorentina fan. After spending a semester in Florence and not having a previous Italian league allegiance how could I not? Add to that the Viola were punching above their weight for a while in the early stages of this season with an impressive undefeated record and a stint at 2nd place in the standings. Two of the highlights of my time in Florence were the two games I attended, a day game vs Atalanta (not at all as bad as you would imagine) and a night game vs Roma (every bit as incredible as you would imagine). Really a cultural phenomenon. The first video is Bobo Vieri's first goal for Fiorentina vs Atalanta, a header off a free-kick from Liverani (the token black guy Anson Carter-type of Italian soccer). A bit hard to see as it was the opposite end of the field but you get the picture. The second video is Adrian Mutu's equalizing penalty kick vs Roma, a cheeky chip from a cheeky man. And the third is a bit of the Viola ultras, the Autonomous Collective, in full voice and some random game action, enjoy. I'll be back soon with another post reaalll soon, promise.

note: the videos were bigger on my computer, sorry.

Bobo's First Goal


Mutu's Cheeky Chip


Crowd and Game Action

..It's because ze sink sardines will be srown into the sea

Seeing as how the title of this blog is the first part of one of the most legendary quotations in football history, I figured I'd title the first post as the remaining end of the quote by Manchester United icon Eric Cantona (complete with french accent spelling). As some (many? I have no idea the general football knowledge of my readership or whether I have a readership to begin with) of you may know King Cantona said this at a press conference after recieving his near-year long ban from Premiership football for "kung-fu" kicking a Crystal Palace supporter.

So if you haven't guessed it, yes, I am indeed a Manchester United fan, through and through. But apart from my allegiances, I am an unabashed football freak. Some might call the beautiful game soccer but I will only call it football on this blog as it is actually played primarily with one's feet and is an older sport than American football (and I'm a NY Giants fan from Long Island, no less, so this is not coming from a Eurosnob place). Moving on...I wouldn't say I have the most extensive football knowledge and being on 20 years old I definitely don't have as much of a sense of history as others (I was 8 years old when Cantona uttered those famous words, wasn't even born yet when Sir Alex took over at Old Trafford) but I do have a fierce and undying passion and respect for the game and that is one thing that no one can ever question.

I hope this blog can be a haven, a forum, and an all-around informative site for my fellow football fanatics around the world (especially all my fellow United fans!). I also hope that this blog can help put to the bed the notion that Americans (yes, I was born and raised in Long Island and only discovered the beautiful game around 9-10 years old) don't know what they're talking about when it comes to footie.

Yea high hopes, right? Truthfully, acquiring any readership (as in at least one person) would be nice but I really just made this thing so I could get my constant thoughts and opinions on football out of my head when I don't have my buddies around to tell them to. So that's all for now, being a United fan I'll obviously have some thoughts on the FA Cup Final which I'll post tommorrow as I'm home from college now and have nothing better to do. Cheers.