Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Spurs Are Making Me Xenophobic

Problem: Diving fucking foreigners who bring the ugliest side of soccer from their respective homelands to the courts of the NBA where IT DOESN'T FUCKING BELONG (not that it belongs in soccer, either). These punks obviously didn't grow up playing ball in the U.S. and have never heard of the phrase "no blood, no foul." Doesn't matter how long they've been playing basketball, they all started out playing soccer. It's like getting circumsized. They fall to the ground at the slightest contact and never land on their feet when they drive to the basket. The referees don't know what to make of it because they don't understand how a player can fall so hard and not be fouled. They kick their legs out from under them, fling their arms into the air, and give Oscar-worthy grimaces and groans--all tell-tale signs of a soccer swan dive. I even saw Tim Duncan do the clip-the-back-of-my-leg-with-my-other-leg move tonight that was originated by Cristiano Ronaldo. It's disgusting.

Solution: Ethnic cleansing, duh.

Ok maybe too radical, how about a series of mandatory American culture classes featuring classes on toughness taught by Bill Laimbeer or domestic spousal abuse taught by Jason Kidd. Let's teach them how to be real men.

Ooor, y'know what? Let's just keep it simple, interment camps.

1 comment:

sdot said...

this post rules:

bigotry = hits