Friday, November 14, 2008

What's Wrong With Football

Why Chelsea fans can't make fun of us for having the boy Cristiano

Didier Drogba has been charged with violent conduct by the FA for throwing a coin back into the crowd during Chelsea's--"

Let's just stop right there. No need to go any further. Does no one else see what's wrong with the above statement? It's a coin. I know Drogba has a helluva lot of power in those legs of his, sort a prerequisite for his job, but unless he has some sort of superhuman strength in his arms that flinging a coin into the crowd would cause any injury, let alone serious injury, to a fan I don't see how this is a legitimate issue. It shouldn't have even been addressed by the FA let alone actually brought to a decision.

I'm usually not one to vocalize protection for players as they essentially have the BEST LIFE EVER. Add to that that I'm actually defending a Chelsea player, I'll admit I feel a little dirty. But in this case I think the fans are getting too much leeway. How is it that Drogba gets charged but the Burnley fans don't get charged for throwing the coin in the first place? It's not like Drogba pulled a quarter, or I guess in this case a half-pence, out of his jock and threw it at the crowd. It was thrown at him in the first place and the Burnley fans should be reprimanded for their behavior. I know people always talk about giving more respect to the fans and believe me you're preaching to the choir, I'm a fan, but when it comes to abuse--be it physical or verbal--a line needs to be drawn in the sand and certain behavior needs to be flagged as unacceptable and thus properly punished.

Throwing a coin is really no different than hurling racial abuse at players. Pampered as they are they don't deserve such abuse just as fans don't deserve racial abuse or coins thrown at them. I'm not saying that Drogba shouldn't be reprimanded to some extent but I'm saying it needs to go both ways. If you're gonna charge Drogba with violent conduct then you have to charge Burnley with disorderly conduct and give them an equivalent punishment.

Ok I'm done, It's a Friday night I'm gonna get off my proverbial soapbox and get a little loose. I'm a bit buzzed as it is. Good talk.

*Addendum: This should not be misconstrued as any form of favor towards Chelsea. They're still a bunch of diving, cheating, overpaid, overrated, overly-metrosexual, overly-not fresh at all bunch of fucking amateurs that will again finish below the mighty United both in the league and in Europe.

And we'll win the Carling Cup just for kicks. Recognize.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Oh No. Oh God, No.

We elected a West Ham fan to be the next President of the United States of America? Fuck. Now I can't nearly make fun of West Ham fans as effectively as I used to. Yea we took their best players, we win titles, we don't have a nearly bankrupt Icelandic owner..blahblahblah they have the next President on their side. I voted for a West Ham fan and that will forever weigh on my conscience. At least McCain is an Arizona Cardinals fan and y'know I really respected that.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Flashback: Zizou, Boss of all Bosses

I just finished watching 2006 World Cup: The Grand Finale, an HD documentary extravaganza chronicling the 2006 World Cup from the quarterfinals through to that fateful final kick from Fabio Grosso. Point is it made me remember how absurdly genius Zinedine Zidane was throughout that tournament at the ripe old age of 34 and how unfair it is that many people only remember his headbutt on that scummy Marco Materazzi above all the other brilliant plays he made. Let's not even get into the sordid details of Materazzi's career and how really Zidane did what every single player who's ever played against Materazzi has always wanted to do but has never had the guts to do. And Zizou did it in a WORLD CUP FINAL. What a boss.

Anyway, yea, let's not get into that. The purpose of this post is help us all remember the utterly unapologetic brilliance of the Balded One. Specifically, his other take-your-breath-away moment of that game:

What? He chipped a penalty? In a World Cup Final? Wait...what? Didn't doubt his shot for a second, cool as a cucumber. You can't see me right now but trust that I'm giving this youtube video a standing ovation in the privacy of my own living room. I raise my glass of pomegranate green tea in cheers to you, Zizou. Really wish you would come play in the MLS...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Deaf Boxer Stalker: A PR Masterstroke

Forgotten pretty boy

Head over to the ladies of Kickette and invariably there will be mention of one of Los Merengues in an inappropriately lustful manner. Methinks Madrid midfielder (impressive alliteration, I know) Goldilocks Guti (good god, I can't stop) is a little miffed at being overshadowed by his teammates off as well as on the field. It's one thing when you spend years carefully sculpting your midfield maestro pretty boy image only for Real Madrid to go out and buy David Beckham and render you completely useless in the prime of your career. Or the completely incorrect jump in logic that follows such an injustice and makes you believe you missed out on being a part of the Euro 2008-winning Spanish side when in actuality you were really never gonna make the cut, Beckham or no Beckham.

But having to stomach the likes of Iker Casillas and Raul strutting about the locker room with a confidence borne of the adulation of thousands of fawning female fans (it's a gift, really); I imagine the indignity was just unbearable. So naturally he enlisted the PR talents of one Jorge Munoz, deaf boxer stalker extraordinaire
, to up his visibility enough to maybe get some well-deserved recognition for his services to club and conditioner companies.

"Munoz was eventually restrained and arrested while one of the security guards required hospital treatment - Munoz's lack of hearing obviously not impairing his ability to land a punch."

Iker Casillas, your move.

*Actual focused and serious post about the state of United affairs coming soon

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Pre-VMA/VMA Running Diary

Such a love/hate relationship with this god-forsaken yet simultaneously heaven-sent channel. Such a love relationship with writing running diaries of cultural events.

I'm still on the fence about this Sway in a chopper gimmick. On the one hand it's immensely stupid. It gives me a headache just trying to wrap my mind around the the fact that this idea was actually voiced by someone let alone looked upon as a good idea by his/her peers. But on the other hand the creepy factor of Sway hovering above celebrities like Katy Perry and calling them on the phone and telling to wave their lipstick out the sunroof is too good.

Mind-blowing fact of the night: Sway has a daughter.

Jonas Brothers are so jewish-looking.


I wish Obama would show up.

British host whose name continually evades me: "Kobe Bryant welcome to the VMAs!...(to Vanessa Bryant) hello to you as well."

Annnnd that's the pre-show.

The VMAs have started and it's too brilliant of a trainwreck for me to write on any further. God speed.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Summer Transfer & Non-Transfer News

With the start of the new season nearly upon us I've decided this is a good time to recap the transfer news of summer that is soon winding to a close.

Hmm let's start with the good news first because there's not much of it so we'll get it out of the way quickly:

Well we held on to Ronaldo which, as much as he still is a little cunt, is a good thing because he is as close to irreplaceable as you'll get in football. Still, nothing he does this season, no matter how heroic or jaw-droppingly incredible, will illicit any more than a gentle golf clap out of me. Until he fucks off to Madrid at the end o
f the season. Then I'll give him a standing ovation. Ok what else...oh right we didn't sell Frazier Campbell like we usually do with any young promising talent that tries to make it into the first team. That was a pleasant surprise. I hope he gets a chance to prove himself this season because he's definitely quality.

Ok, seriously, how am I supposed to cheer for this?

Yup. That's it. No more good news to report for the summer of wheelings and non-dealings. Now the bad news in quick bullet points because there's so much:

- Sold Gerard Pique, soon-to-be one of the top 10 defenders in the world. Haven't bought any replacements so no defensive cover to speak of. Wonderful.
- Didn't sell Mikael Silvestre as expected so technically he is our defensive cover. Even better.
- Didn't buy a long-term right-back replacement for the aging Gary Neville. Apparently Sir Alex expects Wes Brown to make another deal with the devil and have another surprisingly competent season.
- According to the latest reports today, we bought Dimi Berbatov to finally address our need for another striker. 'But why is this bad news?' I hear you inquire. Well, little ones, gather round close and let me tell you a little tale I like to call: The Extortion of Manchester United...

Once upon a time (about a month ago) Manchester United bid a reasonable 20 million pounds for the services of Dimi Berbatov. Dimi's employers, Tottenham, rejected the bid and asked for a ludicrous 38 million pounds instead. United laughed heartily at such a suggestion and began looking elsewhere. After a month or so they could not find another striker to buy and desperately bid a slightly less ludicrous but still ridiculous 28 million for Dimi. Tottenham gleefully accepted. United got fucked over. Now to put this in perspective:

- Liverpool paid 3 million less for Fernando Torres who is 4 years younger than 27 year old Berbatov and about 5 times better, give or take.
- Liverpool also paid 20 million for Berbatov's teammate, Robbie Keane, of similar age and talent.
- United paid the same amount for Rio Ferdinand but he's been the rock of our defense for the past 5 years so I'd say it's money well spent.
- United paid the same amount for WAYNE ROONEY. 20 years old at the time and ABOUT 10 TIMES BETTER THAN BERBATOV, give or take.

I'm not amused.

Friday, July 18, 2008

A Strange Thing Happened Today

I picked up the July issue of Sports Illustrated with the headline "Nadal Defeats Federer In the Greatest Match Ever." I read it again..greatest match ever..and two thoughts came to mind that have never previously come to mind when I've picked up any other issue of Sports Illustrated:

1. "Spot on!"
2. "Wow, that's not at all an exaggerated sensationalist headline to sell more copies of a sub-par sports magazine living off the repuation of the one swimsuit issue every year that actually has some quality."