Friday, July 18, 2008

A Strange Thing Happened Today

I picked up the July issue of Sports Illustrated with the headline "Nadal Defeats Federer In the Greatest Match Ever." I read it again..greatest match ever..and two thoughts came to mind that have never previously come to mind when I've picked up any other issue of Sports Illustrated:

1. "Spot on!"
2. "Wow, that's not at all an exaggerated sensationalist headline to sell more copies of a sub-par sports magazine living off the repuation of the one swimsuit issue every year that actually has some quality."

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Buhshit, Buhshit, Buhshit

Harry Kewell revealed Galatasaray were the pick of several clubs interested in him after signing a two-year deal with the Turkish champions.

The Australian had been linked with Portsmouth, Celtic and Roma, but Kewell admitted Galatasaray quickly won him over.

Oh that's right, Galatasaray is clearly a better option than staying in the best league in the world with Portsmouth or going to one of the most successful clubs in European history in Celtic and let's not even mention that little club from that little town called Rome in that boot-shaped country.

Now don't get me wrong, Galatasaray are no slouches and they've had their fair share of success both in Turkey and in Europe. And Turkey is a great place from what I hear what with their grape leaves and passionate bordering on psychotic fan support (if you have the time, fascinating piece). But don't anyone for one second try and convince me that the Turkish league is on par with the English or Italian leagues or a club of so grand a stature as Celtic. It's just not.

And lest we forget Mr. Kewell played for Leeds for 9 years, during that time playing against Galatasaray in a match that was overshadowed by the tragic stabbing to death of two Leeds fans by Galatasaray hooligans. Leeds fans still haven't forgotten about the tragedy to this day but I guess for Harry a big pile of stinking cash can make you forget just about anything.

Here's Harry in his favored position (interpret that how you wish)

Enough of the bullshit, the Turks were the only team that wanted to take a chance on your glass legs and take on your ludicrous salary demands because the silver lining of the depressing realization that you're a has-been at 29 is that some people with money to burn and seats to fill actually remember you used to be a decent player (despite your worst efforts of the past 5 seasons) and are willing to roll the dice on the slight chance that you might rediscover that form. Suckers. I can't even fathom how many kebabs you're going to stuff your face with on an $80,000/week salary.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Asinine Quote Of The Day: Jens Lehmann

Torres beats Lehmann to give Spain the title

FOX Sports:
Germany goalkeeper Jens Lehmann has told Fernando Torres he is still not as good as Thierry Henry at his best, but could get there in time.

"I played in the same team as Thierry Henry, who was like a god," said the 38-year-old shot-stopper.

"There is still a difference. Torres could get there, but it takes a while."

That's right, Jens, there is a difference. Torres has actually scored in the final of a major tournament. You remember, don't you? He did it against you, after all. Thierry Henry, on the other hand, has never scored in the final of a major tournament despite playing in the World Cup final in 98', the Euro final in 2000 and the Champions League final in 2004. As for deity status, Torres was a sort of baby Jesus at Atletico Madrid and after 24 goals in his first season he's already achieved cult hero status amongst the Liverpool supporters. So you're right, Torres is not as good as Henry at his best. He's better.

I just read over this weeks after I originally posted it and I must admit I was a bit out of line. Torres is not better than Henry at his best because Henry at his best is the best player English football has ever seen. It's still an asinine thing for Lehmann to say because it's unfair to compare a soon-to-be great player to one who's already great. Obviously Torres at 24 is not better than Henry in his prime of 28-29, you ponce. He's just sour grapes about that peach of a goal Torres scored in the final so I had to call him out for it. One thing you can do is compare Torres now to Henry at the same age and when you do that Torres is better so there suck on that, Jens.

Viva Espana! And Other Bits And Bobs

It's been too long, dear friends. I guess I'll start with tipping my hat to the Spaniards, newly-crowned champions of Europe. When you think about the Italians in 2006 and the luck they had in beating Australia early on and a French team that outplayed them in the final or the way Greece grinded out boring 1-0 win after 1-0 win on the way to glory in 2004, it was nice to see this Spanish team dominate from start to finish and overpower each of their opponents through flowing, attacking, beautiful football. Sheer class. Fully deserved. This could very well be the start of a dynasty.

On a sidenote two players who impressed me immensely were Spanish right-back Sergio Ramos and Dutch midfielder Wesley Sneijder. Incidentally they both play for a certain Real Madrid who has been making bedroom eyes at that little cunt of ours, Cristiano Ronaldo. Speaking of that prick, let me take this opportunity to get this off my chest:

This is from the heart: Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro, you're a cunt. You're a selfish, arrogant, diving, greedy, self-absorbed, shameless, conniving, treacherous, childish, petulant, ungrateful, hooker-hiring, mullet-having, man-purse-carrying, cunt. Now fuck off.

Back to my point, since the fucking cunt (hereafter TFC) has expressed his desire to leave for Real Madrid I say let TFC fuck off to Spain as long as United get Sergio Ramos and Sneijder in return. At 22, Sergio Ramos is the ideal long-term replacement for an aging Gary Neville and the left-footed Sneijder can fit in on either wing as well as the heart of the midfield. Nani should be much improved in his 2nd season and if we sign a goalscoring striker like Berbatov or Klaas Jan Huntelaar to fill the 40 goal void I truly don't think we'll miss him. I don't even want any additional cash compensation . I just never want to see TFC in a United jersey ever again.

So let's recap: Hats off to Spain, worthy victors. Cristiano Ronaldo, fuck off. Hi, Sergio Ramos and Wesley Sneijder, cmover?