Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Hi, I'm LeBron James...


I like to score 50 points on 50% shooting and dish out 10 assists, too, just so my teammates don't feel left out while I dominate Madison Square Garden like no other since Michael Jordan. No big deal. Oh and when I'm not draining 7 three-pointers from anywhere and everywhere at will I sometimes clean up around the court and grab 8 boards. Again, no big deal. It's not like I'm the first player to put up 50-10-8 since Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 33 years ago or anything. And in between plays I like to jaw with the celebrities in the crowd and tell them I'm gonna score 50 when it's already the 4th quarter and I've only got 37. Y'know, just the usual, nothing too crazy. I like to keep it loose. Oh and one of my faaaavorite things to do is beat the buzzer before half-time with a 38-foot spot-up jumpshot. The crowd seems to really like things like that. They also like when I throw down obscene dunks during pre-game warmups that would probably win me a dunk contest or two. In fact they like what I do so much that when I finally sat down and gave the Knicks defense a break this one fan came down out of the stands and came up to me and--you know what he did?--he told me I was his favorite player! I was really touched. Oh and I almost forgot the 4 steals, I like to dabble in some defensive wizardry here and there. I'm just your average TWENTY THREE YEAR OLD.

Depressing Stat of the Night for Depressed Knicks Fans to Make Their Lives What Was Previously Thought to Be Impossible - More Depressing:
Only 2 other players have scored 50 points and dished 10 assists in a game in the last 20 years. Michael Jordan and, yup, Stephon Marbury. Yeah, 13.8 ppg Stephon Marbury. Coney Island's finest. Underachiever of all underachievers.

Tounge out like a certain 6-time NBA champion..

Ok seriously though, this is the stuff of legend. Pre-game dunk contest, half-time buzzer beater, mouthing "Fif-ty" to Spike Lee when he only had 37 in the 4th quarter, a fan so moved by his performance he actually got out of his seat and went up to him to tell him, dazzling play after dazzling play, effortless 3-point shooting, and oh yeah FIFTY. It's a game we'll look back on 10 years from now, the same way we look back on Jordan's 55 at the Garden after he came back from retirement, and think "Wow, greatness."

4 comments:

sdot said...

You are a textual wonder

Jason said...

You complete me. You also got me into blogging. You're my hero.

Adam said...

I feel blessed by having such a talented individual in my group

9.7/10

Ronli said...

Well written article.