Sunday, February 3, 2008
SUPERBOWL RUNNING DIARY
Alright I'll be honest I'm a futbol man first before football but I like a little pigskin from time to time. Especially if that time is Super Bowl time. And my Giants are playing. Granted I don't own a single piece of Giants merchandise or apparel (except for my brother's old hoodie from the Dave Meggett days that I can't even find), I haven't watched a full game all season except the NFC Championship, and the only Giants game I've ever gone to was against the Vikings because my buddy Sam over at Vikings Vitals took me to it. Sam will also have a running diary for this momentous occasion. Anyway point is, I am, in fact, a Giants fan and I have a blog thus it is my civil duty to keep this running diary. Plus this is partly my marketing homework to report on the commercials. Moving forward...
Coin Toss: Patriots come out with a full entourage of 6 for the coin toss while the Giants come out with 4 including the wiley veteran punter Jeff Feagles. Advantage: Giants
Post-Coin Toss: Feagles makes the call, tails. Of course it's tails. Feagles never fails whether coin toss or coffin corner punt.
Two hand-offs to Jacobs to start, predictable. 3 and 6 and Eli converts to Plaxico for the first down. Mmmmm Plaxico purr for me baby purrr.
Random thought: Madison Hedgecock my have one of the more unfortunate names in the National Football League, and he's a fullback to boot.
The other Steve Smith gets his first catch for another first down.
Ahmad Bradshaw is confused and thinks he's Brandon Jacobs as he plows for a first down and carries Ty Warren for an extra couple yards.
"Tom Petty and the Heartbeakers for the halftime show?! Get out of town. I am just giddy with excitement. I am also outside of the coveted 18-34 age bracket, oh..." - Oldest man alive
Joe Buck makes himself useful and points out that Eli is 3-3 on 3rd down conversions as he slides out of the pockets and slings another first down to the other Steve Smith.
Update: Randall Gay comes out the worse for wear of the collision with Steve Smith and his return is questionable. Even Steve Smith getting in on the Jacobs mentality.
Brandon Jacobs is confused and thinks he's Ahmad Bradshaw as he tries to run outside. Role reversal didn't work out as well this time.
Manning can't convert the 3 and 10 and LT (Lawrence Tynes for you lames) converts the FG. Giants strike first, 3-0. Best part of the drive was that it lasted 10 minutes. More drives like that will take their toll on the aging linebacker core of the Patriots and keep Brady's juggernaut out of rhythm.
Patriots first series:
Fake reverse HB screen goes incomplete, otherwise...whew that was close. Maroney plows forward for 8 on the next play. Maroney again for 5 yards and a first down. "The blue dude! I don't like that guy..."
Patriots playing small ball with a short pass to Stallworth and a little dinker to Welker for another first down. Kevin Faulk goes for 10 yards on little dump pass for another first down. Just lulling us into a sleep before BAM Randy Moss hits us upside the head.
Antonio Pierce forgot to turn around and look at the ball and gets called for an obvious pass interference on Ben Watson. Nice.
What? Doritos? Message from my heart? iTunes? What? WHAT?
Touchdown Maroney after switching sides to the other side of the field to start the 2nd quarter. Not gonna lie, mildly disorienting. Patriots up 7-3.
Go Daddy commercial, just shameless. We get it Danica, you're sorta hot. You're not just one of the guys, you're not butch blah blah. Well on the plus side that'll definitely get you the respect you're looking for in the male-dominated racing culture. Oh wait...
Pam Anderson looking ROUGH in the crowd. Gisele looking...well I'm not gonna depress you all by reporting on this anymore.
Giant's second possession:
Amani TOOOOOOOMER with the big grab for 40 something yards, making dragging your feet inbounds look wayyy too easy once again. Also getting away with the obvious facemask, he's been around long enough he's allowed to do that.
"Eli is like really good now, huh?" - Sam, Vikings fan.
Fuck, spoke too soon. I should have known better to not put that quote up there. First interception thrown by Eli since Week 17. Ellis Hobbs both times.
"We may not be the best announcers out there..." - Joe Buck. Truer words have never been spoken.
Eli gets sacked for the first time tonight. Ahmad Bradshaw fumbles on the next play and the Patriots have recove--no wait the Giants somehow retained possession. Bradshaw made up for it and wrestled the ball back from Woods in the scrum. And now for the star of the show, Jeff Feagles...
Careerbuilder.com comes up with a real winner. Follow your heart. Powerful message, powerfully presented. A bit too jarring and graphic at first with the heart popping out of her body, but it works. Big fan of the guys (and girls, maybe) behind the Careerbuilder marketing campaign. Just a fan of the job search companies in general actually, Monster.com was the big winner last year with their "When I Grow Up" commercial...ok I'll stop with the marketing talk.
Hmm Life Water...50 Cent vs Naomi Campbell look-alike...Advantage: Vitamin Water.
Brady gets sacked two plays in a row. Patriots forced to punt. Justin Tuck, ladies and gentlemen, Justin Tuck.
Bud Light losing maaaajor points with Carlos Mencia. Where's the proper market research that shows that EVERYBODY HATES CARLOS MENCIA.
Chicken wings just got delivered. Be back in 15.
Joe Buck : They (the Giants) couldn't have hoped for a better first half. HUHH? No Joe I think they could've. You clown.
Randy was in-bounds--No wait who cares brady fumbles and osi recovers..
HALFTIME: 7-3 Patriots at the half. First half analysis..eh y'know what fuck it we're still in it and we're in it to win it. Let's sit back and enjoy some Tom Petty now, eh?
Terry Bradshaw first half recap: "Hubbabubba New England first down pass interference touchdown lamabama lama lama sgthdgthdrfyxbtustrfhdj...heckuva a football game."
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers have about as much stage energy as Michael Strahan has teeth. But then again they can play "Free Falling" over the loudspeaker and get away with not actually being on stage and playing it. Guitarist who's name I don't know is currently rocking out with full star power on expert level, I'd say 97% of notes played.
Maroney starts the second half like he started the first with some purposeful running. Let's hope his impact fades as it did the first half.
Antonio Pierce with a nice open field tackle of Kevin Faulk to prevent the first down and force the punt.
Hahaha Shaquille O'neal as a horse jockey hahaha...oh wait what was that commercial for? Idiots. Bridgestone has the typical sophomore slump of a second commercial.
Kevin Faulk is killing us. He's a slippery character. I can almost hear Chris Berman's analysis later tonight..."whoop! whoop!"
I'm blogging shoulder to shoulder with Sam of Vikings Vitals and I have to say he's blogging me right out of the park but hey I'm actually emotionally involved in this thing.
Patriots go for it on 4th and 13 and predictably don't convert. Puzzling play call. Keep it up, Belichick. Kevin Faulk comes up lame on the play, too. Turning point? We'll see...
Eli is gun-slinging like it's 1849.
Jeff Feagles is one of my favorite players--nay, favorite people--in the whole wide world. Another great coffin corner punt. I'd like to make him the godfather of one or two of my children. He's so reliable.
WOWW E-TRADE BABY COMMERCIAL, IT'S FANNNN-TASTIC (copyright NBA)
The Giants pass rush is a beauty to behold. Kavika Mitchell, best free-agent pick up since Marques Colston...hey whatever happened to that guy...
Maroney is back with another strong run, don't know why they aren't going to him more. By the way, Pam Oliver is looking great tonight whether on the sideline in that striking leopard-print top or even in her small headshot shown in corner of the screen.
Still 7-3 at the end of the 3rd quarter. Hmm that 54 point under is looking pretty good now..Hey remember when Plaxico guaranteed keeping the Patriots under 17 points...
I HATE OLD COMMERCIALS SHOWN DURING THE SUPER BOWL, even if it's a pretty good one from American Airlines.
Silly Hanson, you can't punt like the legendary Jeff Feagles. Can you say X-Factor?
Sorry any commercial that features Madonna's "Ray of Light" just isn't ever ever ever EVER going to be good NO MATTER WHAT. Unless there's a talking baby involved. Then maybe you've got a winner on your hands. I'm a sucker for those talking babies. Remember that movie "Look Who's Talking"? How can you not? Dare I say John Travolta's best work. Definitely Kirstie Alley's best work, and that's not at all daring to say. And yet I digress...
Kevin Boss--not to be confused with Boss Bailey, easily confused with some of the best tight ends in NFL history--with the big catch and run only to be tripped up by steroids--I mean, Rodney Harrison.
DAVID TYREE TOUCHHHDOWNNNN WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I refer you to Sam's Vikings Vitals for a more coherent analysis. Peyton Manning is pumped.
Coca-Cola commercial conversation:
"How much did Segway pay to get into that commercial?"
"A lot, but they only have about 5 bucks"
"Don't Mess With The Zohan" looks pretty decent but they couldn't have picked a better name than Zohan? Honestly?
Generally some nice open field tackling from the Giants. That's all I've got to say for now. Big fan of the Brady-getting-thrown-about-like-a-rag-doll-with-curly-red-pigtails montage.
WHOOO E-TRADE BABY IS BACK. And immune to the sophomore slump commercial that previously affected Bridgestone. Not gonna lie, that baby almost got me as excited as I was when David Tyree scored that touchdown. Almost. And great addition with the clown.
Hey it's 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter and the Giants are winning 10-7 with the ball in hand...ok I'm gonna focus on the commercials I can't deal with what may unfold next...
"Hey Will Ferrell likes Bud Light, and he's really funny. Maybe I'll buy Bud Light now instead of Coors Light, no funny comedians drink Coors Light..." Well played, Bud Light. Well played.
John Johnson, Giants trainer, is shown being senile on the sidline. What a legend, they don't name em' like they used to. God, he is old.
Sam just used matriculating in his blog, I'm just not on his level. Oh wait but now he's looking it up on dictionary.com and slowly realizing that it is not the right word choice. Still I haven't seen that level of effort since the Lakers played the T-Wolves where Ronny Turiaf AND Mark Madsen were on the court at the SAME TIME. Incredible.
Patriots are driving and they are now in the red zone. I don't want to talk about it. Give me commercials. I want to see the E-Trade baby.
Fred Robbins is injured and being helped off the field. In unrelated news Justin Tuck closeup without his helmet on is a scary sight and Antonio Pierce has a very shiny bald head. You learn a lot of things when there's a break in play and players take off their helmets.
Oh goodness, 3rd and goal...I'm writing this as it unfolds...oh god..ohgodohgodohgod...when you write it like that it looks like dohgod, that doesn't really make sense now does it...oh god here's the snap...touchdown Randy Moss, I just felt my heart actually sink an inch or two, Corey Webster fell down and Moss was wide open...hard done by I think, we deserved better than that...
NO MATTER HERE COMES CHA BOY ELI WITH THE 2-MINUTE DRILL, MANNING STYLE
I direct you to Sam's blog once again because I can't possibly blog coherently, let alone wittingly, at this time.
Advertising for Victoria's Secret is just not fair. It's like Lebron James playing against any player in the NBA, too easy. In this analogy Adriana Lima is Lebron James. I know the mental picture doesn't really match up but if you think that Lebron James scores at will just as Adriana Lima captures the hearts and penises of men at will..I think it works.
SHDifSHFilshdf ASHHHHHH OMG ELIIIIIII YOU SWEET SWEEET MANNN YOU LEGEND YOURE A FUCKING LEGEND
"I want them to win" - Sam, Vikings fan.
And David Tyree, you're a legend, too. Absurd catch, props to you. "Dap", if you will.
PLAXICOOOOOOOO BURRRRREESSSSSSS TOUUUCHHDOWNNN YOU LEGEND YOU FUCKING LEGENDDDDDDDDD. 17-14 Giants. Oh god my fragile heart can't take this.
Peyton Manninng IS PUMPED.
I wish there was a video feed to go with this running diary so you all could see the sheer ecstasy coursing through my mind, body and soul at the moment of Plaxico making that catch.
JAY ALFORRDDD. ROOKIE. SIT DOWN THOMAS BRADY, SIT DOWN. I KNOW YOUR FULL NAME ISN'T THOMAS AND I DON'T CARE. YOU CAN KEEP GISELE I'LL TAKE THE 'SHIP. No but seriously, I prefer Adriana.
Can't touch the 72' Dolphins, sorry.
Eli Manning, you're a legend. Plaxico Burress, you're a legend. David Tyree, so are you. Michael Strahan, you did it baby. Jeff Feagles, you were a legend before but now you're a champion, too. And the future godfather of my children.
HANDS RAISED TO THE SKY. IT'S OVER. THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS ARE THE 2008 SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS. I'm gonna take a shot of Taverna Authentic Russian Vodka. Good night.